Wednesday, April 08, 2009

an epistle

Dear Winter,

I realize as far as seasons go you get a bad rap what with all the freezing temperatures, sleet, hale, ice, freezing rain, blizzards and all-around dreariness, but I am generally a fan. I like wearing sweaters and boots and sipping hot chocolate. Fires are wonderful and I thoroughly enjoy curling up on my couch under a blanket with a good book. Plus, I love snowboarding. Actually, I love snow! I love watching it fall softly outside my window, I secretly enjoy bundling up and tromping to work in it and Central Park covered in snow is stunning. And who does not love a good snow day that shuts the City down? I also love sledding - not that I have done it in the last decade or so, but I'm sure I would enjoy it once again.


It is April now. Your time is through.

I have endured your arctic blasts greeting me each time I exit my apartment building. I have stalwartly donned my boots and trudged to work in the nasty slush. I have worn my thickest, warmest, long black wool coat for days and days on end without variation to insulate myself from your crazy low temperatures. I have even added extra layers such as long underwear and a down vest for those "feels like negative" something or other days. I pushed through the short, dark days when I forgot what the sun looked like for days on end and I coped by taking cabs home many, many nights.

But I just cannot do it anymore. Last night as I walked home from work I was not pleased with 41 degrees and windy. I hated that my lighter wool coat with hat, gloves and scarf was not quite enough to keep me warm on an April evening. I couldn't believe how cold my apartment was last night but I refused to turn the heat on and just burrowed into my fleece blanket. I was glad I decided to keep the flannel sheets on my bed for one more week because this morning my apartment was cold. Too cold for April! And believe me, an outside temperature of 34 is not a motivation to push through the week.

I recognize that you four seasons don't always strictly adhere to the whole Equinox/Solstice timeline but seriously, Spring supposedly arrived on March 20th and you have been fully hogging her time. I have barely seen any signs of her at all but for one 55 degree sunny day last Sunday that was a complete anomaly. Plus, if I remember correctly, you shoved Autumn out long before you were due to arrive on December 21st. You are getting greedy and selfish with your time and I do not appreciate it.

I want to walk to work in temperatures that do not begin with a 3, or a 4 for that matter! These supposed high temps of 51 degrees really should be the low. All I am asking is for some pleasant 70ish temps before Summer squeezes its way in. I don't mind the rain - April Showers are fun and bring May flowers and all that. But I get tired of being so cold all the time. I am sick of all my winter clothes and I realize this isn't exactly your problem but how am I going to be excited about pulling out my winter clothes in October/November if I still remember wearing all the hats/gloves/boots/heavy coats/sweaters/wool pants through May? Something has to give my friend and that something is you.

Now I know you are going to point to Summer and complain about how Spring's brief appearance can also be blamed on Summer blasting in with 90 degree temps in May but that does not excuse you for lingering so long. In fact, you should be a gentleman and just step back and give Spring some time to spread her wings. She really puts on quite a show when you let her: blossoming trees, tulips, daffodils, all those animals falling in love . . . just give Spring a chance!

No, no, no don't start mentioning allergies. I realize I have been lucky so far on that front thanks to your persisting frigidness, but this year, I promise not to complain and I will always remember to take my Singuilar if you please just get out of the way and let Spring do her thing. I am ready to wear jackets and lighter layers and nix the tights and hose with skirts.

I'm sorry I had to be so harsh but you aren't exactly one to complain since you are the harshest season and you have failed to pick up on my subtle hints to beat. You have had your fun, now pack your things and make your way down to the southern hemisphere, I hear they are expecting you and actually looking forward to seeing you again.

Very truly yours,


p.s. I really will be happy to see you next December, especially if you are willing to give me a white Christmas.


Anonymous said...

You know the only thing worse than a the long winter you are describing is getting all the long winter experience and still suffering from the spring allergies.

I hope Winter heeds your advise.

Tiffany said...

Great letter. Amen.

katie said...

Utah is still cold and blustery and I'm ready to move away. Bless the allergies.

KimmyGoat said...


z said...

Do you think if you forwarded this as a chain letter and multiple people could copy and paste with their name and we could get 1 million people to do this winter might be more cooperative in leaving? We could also always do a facebook page also.

Artax said...

Very nice letter. Wish winter would listen.

Alisa said...

Oh I agree with z!

(glad you liked the green beans!, We are doing them again this weekend ... mmmyum!)

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