without putting a thought into it all day, at 6 pm I decided to make use of the work-out clothes that have been stashed in my desk drawer for months and go to yoga class. I knew if I stopped to think about it I would talk myself out of it or delay long enough to miss the class so I just grabbed the clothes, shut down my computer and walked out the door.
The walk over is when the fear started. After a 5 month hiatus this class would be rough. I had to swallow my pride and just push through. What would I say if the instructor mentioned how long I'd been away? I had no good answers. Just lazy excuses.
There were a couple of changes when I walked in the door but mostly it was the same. As I was walking into the studio the instructor brushed his hand against my shoulder as he said hello. Not "welcome back" or "where've you been all this time?" or "wow! you have really let yourself go!" just "hello" as if I had just been there the prior week. This was what I needed - a nonchalant, uneventful return.
What I also needed was a low-key class. Luckily that is what I got. I pushed through and managed to do nearly everything - only falling and subsequently skipping this bizarrely complicated maneuver that started standing on the right leg, clutching the left foot with bent leg with the left hand (like this except grabbing the toe of the leg in the air, okay, similar to this but with the hand on the ground) and transitioning into full wheel pose by just flipping over. Needless to say, I fell every time. Loudly. But this was hard and everyone struggled so that was fine. The class was invigorating and I'm so glad I did it.
Walking home among Friday night revelers I felt a bit conspicuous in my Old Navy yoga pants that are so poorly made the outside seam on the left leg curves its way down my leg and ends with the slit just above the top of my foot (rather than the outside of the foot where it should be). Oh and these pants are about 2-3 inches from the ground and I was wearing the boots I wore to work and my bright purple dress coat. I didn't have a hat so my hair was blowing around in the wind. None this would have been too big a deal but this is exactly what one does not want to be wearing when meeting this woman:
unless, of course, you are asking her for a makeover because you are incapable of selecting clothing that suits your body and size. She was being ushered out of one of the television studios a half a block from my apartment by a team of "handlers". I could have touched her if I had dared but she didn't even glance in my direction. I slowed down so I didn't run into her or any of her people. I could have whipped my camera out but I felt shy. And a bit mesmerized. She is beautiful. Stunning even. She was wearing heels and I was surprised that she didn't tower over me. According to my sophisticated google searching, she is 5'10" (I'm 5'9") so she isn't that much taller than me. Even though she was wearing a coat, she seemed slim - not skinny or thin, but slimmer than I anticipated. Probably thinner than me I'd guess. But (and here is my confessional that yes, sometimes I watch her show being replayed at 11 pm) this was surprising because on tv she usually looks HUGE! She always towers over all her guests and often looks like some sort of giant with these iddy biddy girls from the audience or her guests. Lesson learned: I never want to be on tv! There are times I have looked at photos of me with some of my tiny friends and it looks like some disproportioned trick and I feel depressed looking so huge but this made me feel better. I'm rambling here but I have to say, just in case none of you knew this, the people they put on tv are wee. They are a not normal size!!!!
Now I need to scrounge up some dinner and figure out what I should have said to Tyra.