Friday, December 02, 2005

A start

I feel stuck. I have felt stuck for a while. From the outside I don't think I appear stuck. I'm not entirely sure how I ended up stuck or even what I am stuck in . . . or maybe between. I know that there are times during which I very consciously wedge myself in a bit tighter because I enjoy whatever this rock or hard place or bog is in which I have found myself for the last couple of years. Yes, I have been here a while so I should know my way around a bit better. Instead, it is like I am just now opening my eyes, looking around and wondering how I ended up here - stuck.

We all like to consider ourselves unique and different with something to contribute but part of something at the same time. The truly unique either end up leaders or outcasts. I once explained to a friend that the reason I don't date much is because I do not fit into categories easily. No one meets me and realizes I fit some "type" or image they created of what they have been looking for. In relationships, friendships, etc. I often feel I am only showing a sliver of who I really am. I get frustrated because one side or the other of my personality or interests is being stifled. Maybe others feel this way as well. In the familiar wedge I have created for myself I have been watching events happen around me rather than participating. I need to choose a new direction and un-stick myself.

This is what happens when I decide to start a blog at midnight when I should be sleeping.

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